I'll be off to spend the festive season with my Mum in Somerset tomorrow, so I'm taking this opportunity to wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas!
The last time I looked, I had
0
readers, so I hope that you all have a wonderful time while I'm away!
Missing you already!
Saturday, 17 December 2011
Monday, 21 November 2011
Guitar Maintenance
Looking after your guitar is well worth the effort. When, in my late teens, I was presented with my first acoustic guitar one of the first things I did was to cover it with stickers and use the soundhole as an ashtray.
Needless to say, that guitar never sounded right again.
But, over the long years since then, I gradually realised that looking after my guitar was a much better bet.
And in recent years I have found a few inexpensive accessories in my local HobGoblin music shop to help me keep my instruments in good order:
Lemon oil is good for cleaning the fingerboard; it treats the wood and gets the muck off that invariably builds up during use of the guitar.
Guitar polish is well worth the price; it keeps the body of the instrument looking good and, when rubbed into the neck of the guitar helps your chord hand move freely back & forth.
Fast Fret is another equally inexpensive product for cleaning the strings after playing. Not only does it clean the strings but it also, along with the other products, keeps your guitar playing well - just like it did when you first fell in love with it in the shop that day you decided that it was now worth your while to spend a few bob on a good quality instrument.
These things really take a lot of the hard work out of playing your guitar - leaving you free to concentrate on being creative.
For a demonstration of how to use these products - and how to restring your guitar - check out the video on guitarmaintenance.
Needless to say, that guitar never sounded right again.
But, over the long years since then, I gradually realised that looking after my guitar was a much better bet.
And in recent years I have found a few inexpensive accessories in my local HobGoblin music shop to help me keep my instruments in good order:
Lemon oil is good for cleaning the fingerboard; it treats the wood and gets the muck off that invariably builds up during use of the guitar.
Guitar polish is well worth the price; it keeps the body of the instrument looking good and, when rubbed into the neck of the guitar helps your chord hand move freely back & forth.
Fast Fret is another equally inexpensive product for cleaning the strings after playing. Not only does it clean the strings but it also, along with the other products, keeps your guitar playing well - just like it did when you first fell in love with it in the shop that day you decided that it was now worth your while to spend a few bob on a good quality instrument.
These things really take a lot of the hard work out of playing your guitar - leaving you free to concentrate on being creative.
For a demonstration of how to use these products - and how to restring your guitar - check out the video on guitarmaintenance.
Horror Story
It's really spooky.
Every time I go online I get the same picture appear over & over again. It's scary, it's frightening and I'm finding it hard to sleep at night as a result of it.
I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but the picture is of a woman who stares calmly into the camera as she pulls the skin from her face in one big, huge ghastly piece. It's horrible.
How can anyone, in their right mind, put this kind of thing on the internet? It's sick.
Every time I go online I get the same picture appear over & over again. It's scary, it's frightening and I'm finding it hard to sleep at night as a result of it.
I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but the picture is of a woman who stares calmly into the camera as she pulls the skin from her face in one big, huge ghastly piece. It's horrible.
How can anyone, in their right mind, put this kind of thing on the internet? It's sick.
Friday, 18 November 2011
Where All The Money Went
Here is something to consider:
In this age of "amazingly advanced scientific technology" everything has become so quick that if a thing does not happen instantaneously there is a public outcry. Messages arrive moments after they've been sent. It is now possible to buy things - online - from the comfort of your own home, almost before you're aware of it.
In order to facilitate this process money is converted into numbers - in the case of a computer into zeros and ones - and, as your money gaily disappears into the ether, what becomes of it then? Answer: someone else converts those numbers either back into cash or they, in turn, buy something online using those numbers.
Fact: The whole world is in the grip of a recession. All the money seems to have disappeared somewhere.
Are you still with me?
Fact: This online internet world is constantly being hacked into by people. If you do not pay these people lots of money they will turn your computer - you know, the one you worked long hours of your life for and saved up for for ages - into an incredibly thin & lightweight piece of shit.
Never mind that it's costing you a lot of hard-earned cash to run your computer anyway - these greedy, worthless people are more than happy to bleed you dry.
Look out for these people. Listen carefully to how they justify their crimes. See if they can look you in the eye. Ask them where all the money went. Listen carefully to their answers.
In this age of "amazingly advanced scientific technology" everything has become so quick that if a thing does not happen instantaneously there is a public outcry. Messages arrive moments after they've been sent. It is now possible to buy things - online - from the comfort of your own home, almost before you're aware of it.
In order to facilitate this process money is converted into numbers - in the case of a computer into zeros and ones - and, as your money gaily disappears into the ether, what becomes of it then? Answer: someone else converts those numbers either back into cash or they, in turn, buy something online using those numbers.
Fact: The whole world is in the grip of a recession. All the money seems to have disappeared somewhere.
Are you still with me?
Fact: This online internet world is constantly being hacked into by people. If you do not pay these people lots of money they will turn your computer - you know, the one you worked long hours of your life for and saved up for for ages - into an incredibly thin & lightweight piece of shit.
Never mind that it's costing you a lot of hard-earned cash to run your computer anyway - these greedy, worthless people are more than happy to bleed you dry.
Look out for these people. Listen carefully to how they justify their crimes. See if they can look you in the eye. Ask them where all the money went. Listen carefully to their answers.
Sunday, 13 November 2011
That Was Then - This Is Now
I've just noticed that my recent posts are getting older & older & older. I'm going to take this recently discovered gem of knowledge to be a prompt for writing something else.
And this seems to be an ideal opportunity to perform a practical, scientific experiment in the process.
If I type this out fast enough will it still be the 'Present Time' when I've finished? Or will the text be doomed to be almost instantaneously consigned to 'The Past'? There's only one way to find out!
The timer is set on my mobile phone; my fingers (both of them) are feeling up to the task; neurons & little bits of chemically-electrical string are humming away at the ready in my head as I try to decide what I'll write.
Here we go!
Hmm. Not bad. Only 5 seconds - but is this still in the 'Present Time'?
It is!
Well. It was.
I'm not so sure now.
There it goes again!
Too late - it's gone...
And this seems to be an ideal opportunity to perform a practical, scientific experiment in the process.
If I type this out fast enough will it still be the 'Present Time' when I've finished? Or will the text be doomed to be almost instantaneously consigned to 'The Past'? There's only one way to find out!
The timer is set on my mobile phone; my fingers (both of them) are feeling up to the task; neurons & little bits of chemically-electrical string are humming away at the ready in my head as I try to decide what I'll write.
Here we go!
Hmm. Not bad. Only 5 seconds - but is this still in the 'Present Time'?
It is!
Well. It was.
I'm not so sure now.
There it goes again!
Too late - it's gone...
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Monday, 7 November 2011
Modern Acronyms Explained
HTML - This is one that your partner may well be nagging you to read up on. How To Make Love.
LOL - This can mean many things, but I have it on good authority that it stands for Leg Of Liver.
OMG - Most people are familiar with this one. Obviously it stands for Outrageously Mental Goat.
SEO - Very popular with people who like the water. Sexually Enticing Oceanarium.
USA - Lots of people get this one wrong. Unrealistic Space Adventures.
EU - Politicians use this a lot. Expenses Unlimited.
FTSE - Some folk think this is something you play under the table. Finances Taken Somewhere Else.
BP - Despite everything you may think, this means Best Pal.
BAA - Doesn't actually stand for anything - it's just a sound that a sheep makes.
TV - No. Not that at all. Originated during the Grocers' Riots of 1898. Troublesome Vegetables.
IMF - No prizes for guessing this one. Improper Maid Fondling.
BBC - Coined at a recent party-poopers convention. Balloon Bursting Ceremony.
OTT - Another one invented during the Grocers' Riots of 1898. Obliterate The Tomatoes.
UK - Again, not an acronym. This one is used to describe the sound you make just prior to vomiting.
UKBA - Used to describe the sound that a sheep makes just before it vomits.
FCUK - The sound that a football club makes just before it collectively vomits.
WWW - Used to denote marsupial-friendly territory in Australia. We Welcome Wallabies.
MOD - Someone likely to have been a smartly dressed, scooter riding Who fanatic in the 1960s.
APR - No. Nothing to do with loan companies. Aardvarks Prefer Redheads.
ITV - Those Grocers' Riots again! Intolerably Troublesome Vegetables.
FX - Frantic Xylophonists. Used to denote percussion players who are late for a rehearsal or concert.
FIFA - The sound made by a high-flying executive when he is caught redhanded in a compromising situation.
BLOG - Used instead of RSVP on Rastafarian party invites. Bring Lots Of Ganja.
LOL - This can mean many things, but I have it on good authority that it stands for Leg Of Liver.
OMG - Most people are familiar with this one. Obviously it stands for Outrageously Mental Goat.
SEO - Very popular with people who like the water. Sexually Enticing Oceanarium.
USA - Lots of people get this one wrong. Unrealistic Space Adventures.
EU - Politicians use this a lot. Expenses Unlimited.
FTSE - Some folk think this is something you play under the table. Finances Taken Somewhere Else.
BP - Despite everything you may think, this means Best Pal.
BAA - Doesn't actually stand for anything - it's just a sound that a sheep makes.
TV - No. Not that at all. Originated during the Grocers' Riots of 1898. Troublesome Vegetables.
IMF - No prizes for guessing this one. Improper Maid Fondling.
BBC - Coined at a recent party-poopers convention. Balloon Bursting Ceremony.
OTT - Another one invented during the Grocers' Riots of 1898. Obliterate The Tomatoes.
UK - Again, not an acronym. This one is used to describe the sound you make just prior to vomiting.
UKBA - Used to describe the sound that a sheep makes just before it vomits.
FCUK - The sound that a football club makes just before it collectively vomits.
WWW - Used to denote marsupial-friendly territory in Australia. We Welcome Wallabies.
MOD - Someone likely to have been a smartly dressed, scooter riding Who fanatic in the 1960s.
APR - No. Nothing to do with loan companies. Aardvarks Prefer Redheads.
ITV - Those Grocers' Riots again! Intolerably Troublesome Vegetables.
FX - Frantic Xylophonists. Used to denote percussion players who are late for a rehearsal or concert.
FIFA - The sound made by a high-flying executive when he is caught redhanded in a compromising situation.
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