There is a liquid available which, when consumed, has truly miraculous effects on the imbiber. This liquid has the ability to transform the entire planet into whatever you want it to be - instantly!
This liquid, called alcohol, can turn your neighbourhood into anything from a urinal to a giant rubbish bin. It also enables you to slip into a mode called 'Mind over matter'.
You don't mind, and no one else matters. Small wonder then that it's so popular - and so readily available!
This means that you can band together with other people and, in the middle of the night, you can shout, scream, vomit, distribute litter, vandalise & anything else you can think of, because suddenly, it doesn't matter!
In the unlikely event that you get arrested during the course of your 'harmless fun' you will probably get away without being punished because afterwards you will be able to laugh, shrug and say that you were intoxicated - so it really wasn't your fault at all!
And if you drink this draught for long enough you will successfully transform yourself into two completely separate people. Even if, when you are not drinking, your behaviour is normal & law-abiding, when you do drink you will suddenly become someone who almost everyone else avoids out of embarrassment. When this happens you will have no recollection of what you have done while being this other person. When this happens you will stand an extremely good chance of losing everything you hold dear - because the thing that suddenly takes priority above everything & everyone else is this marvellous liquid.
Goodbye job. Goodbye friends. Goodbye employment. Goodbye social life. Goodbye last vestiges of sanity. Goodbye family. Goodbye ability to make sound judgements. Hallelujah! Praise the brew!
Yet another bonus of this magical fluid is it's ability to make you speak in a language that no one else can understand.
Dribble! Wet yourself! Smell like a cross between a brewery and a public convenience!
As the Central Scrutinizer himself once said (admittedly about something entirely different):
"You'll love it - it's a way of life!"
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