Latest figures reveal that people using computers spend an average of 12 years of their lifetimes staring at a small representation of an egg timer, praying for their laptop to do what it's supposed to do, threatening their computer with actual physical violence, and going grey with electronically-generated anguish.
Thanks to this marvellous new technology, perfectly normal people can be reduced to a nervous, gibbering wreck by those three little words:
Programme. Not. Responding.
Computers, we are told, are amazing things. They enable us to send messages instantly to any part of the world - unless, of course, those amazing little problems rear their amazing little heads. Then they amazingly enable us to become enormously enraged to the extent that we are enabled into having amazingly fatal heart attacks & sensational seizures.
I'm not sure, but I can't recall a piece of paper having this effect on anyone. Your biro runs out of ink - ho hum. 4 pence for a new one. Your printer runs out of ink - scarey interview & much pleading with your bank manager.
Is it just me - or is the internet just a cunning way of cutting down the burgeoning elderly population by presenting them with problems that not even a rocket scientist could solve - thus driving them headlong to an earlier grave with despair?
Answers on a postcard - or else!
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